One Of Those Things That Make You Go Hmm
I have never been one to believe in love at first sight. It just doesn't seem logical to me to love someone that you don't know. Sure, the idea of instant love is romantic and sweet, but is it really possible? Don't get me wrong, I'm a hopeless romantic and wear my heart on my sleeve. I just think that to truly love someone, you have to know the person to know what you love about them. I suppose that is what always frustrated me the most about the Guy. He continually told me he could never date me or love me, yet he never took the time to really get to know me. He just told himself whatever he wanted to about me without really seeing me. Hey, it's his loss.Anyway, the reason I bring this up is because the guy is the one instance in my life that has confused this very theory. I don't care what anyone says, including the Guy himself, there was something there. The very first time I met him, I felt a connection like nothing I'd ever felt before. And I knew it instantly. Maybe that's why I wasn't surprised when he started flirting with me. Although it was uncalled for given our situation, I wasn't shocked by it. From that point on, I acted completely out-of-character for me. I realize now that I always felt a level of comfort with him that I haven't felt with anyone else. I didn't feel that awkward, ohmygodwhatishethinking thing that I feel with most people. The irony is that is was probably judging me more than most. I should have felt awkward. Yet, for some reason, I didn't. I have spent so much time trying to figure out what this "connection" is and where it came from. I even tried to convince myself that I was making it up; that it wasn't real. But I have to be honest with myself- it was real.
I will probably never understand that connection. I may never feel it again with anyone else. I assumed that the Universe made that connection for a reason. I felt like there should have been more to it than there was. Maybe that's why I put up with so much. I expected that something would come of it. But it didn't. I was never anything to the Guy. I know that now. I also know that there was in fact a cosmic thing between us. I just don't understand the purpose of it. I've always believed that things happen for a reason. Either I'm missing the reason here, or the reason has yet to reveal itself.
I have felt many times over the last three years that the other shoe has yet to drop. His other shoe. A week ago, I thought it had dropped. Now, I'm not so sure. Go figure.
tirade by Jenster at
1:13 AM
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