Because I Said So

To Kill A Mocking Boy

I hate it when people mock me. Mocking is one of my biggest pet-peeves. Today, I was mocked to a point of anger by him. Today was one of those days in which I seriously ask why I bother with him. I try to figure out what I get from it. I'm not sure I get anything from him, yet I keep going back.

Last week, we made plans to hang out this evening. For the last couple of days, including today, he pretty much ignored me. He didn't really talk to me at all, and when I sent him messages confirming that we were still on for this evening, he didn't respond. So I reluctantly went to go meet him not knowing if he would be there. Well, he was there, but there was a very familiar bad feeling about the whole thing. He was very grouchy. We started to talk about life in general, and he couldn't stop saying how he was so glad to be leaving California next year, and how he never wanted to come back. Nice was to make the person you're with feel really good. How very sensitive of him. *sarcasm* Then, when I started talking about my plans, and what I needed to do, and various other political opinions, he flat out laughed at me. He belittled and shot down every comment as if it were the dumbest thing he had ever heard. Now don't get me wrong, I certainly don't expect him to agree with me, or to even understand my point-of-view. But he could at least be respectful enough to accept my opinions and choices and not laugh at them. That is flat-out mocking me. I don't take kindly to it.

When we were walking to the car, he started laughing at my opinions again. He told me I was just wrong in my feelings. Then he did the ultimate. He called me psycho. After I took great offense to that (he has no idea how incredibly shitty it really was), he told me to leave. So I did.

In my next several posts, I plan on telling the story of my life. The painful truths that I have never told anyone. The things about me that most of the people I know could never comprehend. For now, I will tell you this: My mother was bipolar. She was severely bipolar. I stopped having friends come over to my house because they would see her in all her glory and go and gossip about it at school. The kids would taunt me. At first, they would just make fun of my mother. As I got older, they would start to call me "psycho, just like my mother", and from there, they would throw rocks at me while we waited for the school bus. Eventually, they started pushing me and throwing their lunches at me. Oh the joys of growing up in a small, rich town. NOT!

Now you see why I will not tolerate being called psycho. Especially from the likes of him. He, in all seriousness, actually had the nerve to ask me what he has ever done to me that was wrong. He honestly believes that he has been good to me. I realized for the first time tonight just how truly delusional he is.

The last time he started acting distant and treating me like a joke was when he was started seeing a couple of other people and blatantly lied to me about it. He would make up stories to hide me from them. I didn't know about them, and they didn't know about me. He totally betrayed my trust. I have been feeling for the last couple of weeks that he was up to something similar again. In fact, the last couple of times we attempted to have sex, he claimed his impotence was because he wasn't feeling well. It's probably because there is someone else. He has told me many times that I'm not important to him, and that he doesn't care about me. I think I'm finally starting to believe him.

tirade by Jenster at 11:47 PM