The Art of Letting Go
I've been doing some soul searching lately, and I've come to discover a couple of things about myself. I have always been a very caring person. It's a trait I undoubtly inherited from my mom. We just care. At some point, I decided that I care to a fault. So I set out to change that about myself. I set out to let go. Well, I've realized that to stop caring just goes against who I am at my core. I can't just stop caring. And when I see someone I care about doing something unhealthy, I want to help. I spent so much time and energy trying to learn to let go, that I completely missed what was really needed. I need to learn to stop thinking that I can help.
See, I have absolutely no control over who I care about. If I care, I just care. End of story. The problem with that is when I see someone I care about heading for a train wreck, I through myself in front of them in an effort to avoid the crash. Obviously, the person who gets hurt is me, and the person who was spared never figures out there was a crash at all. I have done this my entire life; with my mom, my sister, and a few others as well. Throwing myself in front of the wreck doesn't typical do anyone any good. What I think I need to do is to learn to just let the crash happen and be there to help in the aftermath, if I can. What I'm having a difficult time with is thinking that I can help someone when there is no hope whatsoever. I get so caught up in my desire to help and to be there that I completely ignore the warning signs.
I'm still trying to figure out why on earth I ever thought I could help The Guy. I just see him doing so many things that hurt the people around him. He admittedly doesn't care how other people feel about his actions. He is so self-serving that he just doesn't get how much he hurts others. And I'm not just talking about myself here. I see his emotional ineptitude and poor judgement as one huge train wreck waiting to happen. To add to my need to help, I see that he is going to take a bunch of innocent people down with him. I have wanted to badly to stop that wreck from happening. I wanted to spare not only him, but the unsuspecting people around him. He has managed to charm these people so they don't see his lies. He tells these people what they want to hear, not what is real and true. I wonder if he even knows what is true himself. I sometimes think he has others so convinced that he is someone he's not, that he actually believes it himself. Regardless, this is one train wreck I cannot prevent. There will be casualties, but not mine.
I'm left trying to figure out what it was that made me think he would listen to me; why I thought I could make him see things in a different light. He never listened to even the most mundane of things. He can't remember when my birthday is, what my middle name is, or even my age. He is surprised every time he learns that I am left-handed or that I'm allergic to shellfish. And I actually thought I could make a differnce. Stupid, I know. All I can do is turn and look the other way. However, that doesn't mean that I will stop caring. Caring is just who I am. I don't care who has a problem with that, including The Guy himself. I am just not going to let him continue to hurt me or lie to me while he goes down. I am willing to accept defeat.
Treasure Hunt
I'm going to embark on a treasure hunt. I know that the chances of finding this particular treasure are 1,000,000 to 1. But that's okay. I still have to look anyway.Thirty-five years ago, my sister did something that only her childhood mind understood. She took my mom's wedding ring and buried it in the yard. By the time she fessed up to what she had done, she had forgotten exactly where she buried it. She and my mom dug up the yard with the hope of locating the ring, but to no avail. My mom finally gave up and accepted that her ring was gone. My dad replaced it, and that was the end of that.
My sister only recently told me this story. I had no idea that her wedding ring was not really her wedding ring. My sister still has the general idea of where she buried it, but having moved from that house when I was four, her memories are kind of sketchy at best. The irony is, that house is a mere two miles away. I pass the street we lived on about once a week. The chance that the ring is still there, buried in the dirt, is incredibly slim. I took a look at the house, and it still looks pretty much the same, so perhaps the new owners never dug around the fence area of the yard. How can I not look?
Now all I need to do is figure out where the heck to get a metal detector. Yeah, I know. Wish me luck!!
Um.
Okay, so this and this are what happen at the Stupid Bowl. Ahem, I mean Super Bowl.**DISCLAIMER** Don't look if you're squeamish. This is after having a couple of days to heal. And the pictures are crappy.
I like looking at injuries. They fascinate me. I'm weird. But we knew that. :) It's fake blood that grosses me out. Go figure.
Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Cups of Coffee
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full.
They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.
The students responded with a unanimous "yes."
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - God, family, children, health, friends, and favorite passions -- things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter, like your job, house, and car. The sand is everything else -- the small stuff.
"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
So...
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.
Play another 18.
There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. "Take care of the golf balls first -- the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."
Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way, BUT never forget to remember the blessings that come each day.
