The Truth About Evil
I think this quote perfectly describes some of the aforementioned people. It definitely holds a measure of truth. Just something to ponder!
Evil is charming and beautiful.
It makes you doubt yourself.
It asks for on small compromise after another;
Until it whittles you down.
And it functions best when no one believes in it.
TGIF!
The Dash
First, I'd just like to say that I'm finally kicking butt on my Walk America sponsorship. I love my friends and coworkers!The Dash
I read of a man who stood to speak,
at the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone,
from the beginnng to the end.
He noted that first came the date of her birth.
And spoke of the following date with tears.
But he said what mattered most of all,
was the dash between the years.
For the dash represents all the time
that she spent alive on earth...
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not how much we own:
The cars... the house... the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash.
So think about this long and hard...
Are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left;
you could be at "dash mid-range".
If we could just slow down enough
to consider what's true and real,
and always try to understand
the way other people feel.
And be less quick to anger,
and show appreciation more.
And love the people in our loves
like we've never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect,
and more often wear a smile...
Remembering that this special dash
might only last a little while.
So, when your eulogy's being read
with your life actions to rehash...
Would you be proud of the things they say
about how you spent your dash?
Judgment Day
Judge not lest ye be judged yeself.
Words to live by. People who feel they have the right to blatantly judge other people. I used to know a few people like that, inevitably, it led to many a argument. I fully believe that it is simply not possible to understand another person's feeling or reasoning until you've walked a mile in their shoes. Even then, everyone is different. Just because you don't agree with another's beliefs or actions does not mean that they are any less of a person than you are. In my experience, the most judgmental people are that way because they are in fact lacking certain morals or values. I supposed I'm judging the judgmental, but I just don't see how it could possibly be okay to feel that you are superior to someone else; or worse, everyone else.
Whoever said...
that ignorance is bliss should be shot! Ignorance is, well, ignorant. The worst part of it is that most ignorant people are that way by choice. To them, it is easier to play dumb than it is to cope with reality. Sometimes I'd really love to give them all a swift kick in the ass. But I guess that karma will eventually take care of that for me.
Happy Monday!
Please, take responsibility!
I don't know if it's just me, or what, but I keep coming across people who just can't take responsibility for the actions or behaviors. I have grown completely tired of these people. I simply don't understand them or their crazy methodology. I used to know this one person, with whom I eventually cut ties because I couldn't stand it anymore. He was the epitome of irresponsibility. He absolutely refused to take responsibility for the consequences of his actions. He always, and I mean always, blamed it on the other person. He would claim that the outcome was the other person's problem because they chose to put themselves in the situation to begin with. He eventually became the ultimate "projector". He continuously accused other people of behaving in the same manner in which he was behaving. When someone actually dared to call him on it, he would get defensive and incredibly nasty. I'll give you an example of his irresponsibility. He went out with this woman for about six months or so. Although he supposedly got along great with her, and really cared about her, he dumped her because he was grossed out by the fact that she was overweight. Very mature, I know. Anyway, so he continued to hang out with her on a regular basis, as friends. She told him many times that she was still in love with him and was hoping for a reconciliation. When told that it was kind of not cool to hang out with her at this point, he responded by saying that he liked spending time with her. He didn't feel he should have to give up someone he liked simply because she had feelings for him. The feelings were her problem. Yes, he really believed that. It never occurred to him that when you care about someone, sometimes you have to do what's best for them because they can't see it themselves. His ex was too wrapped up in her feelings and false hope to see that he would never want her in that way. And I can tell you that he does have a major problem with keeping his hands to himself. He is a really bad flirt, so I'm sure he was selfishly feeding her hope. He honestly did not care if he was hurting her or not. He felt that if she couldn't handle it, then she should be the one to stop seeing him. I just don't understand that mentality at all. I would never do something that I knew was hurting another person. So, anyway, two years later, he's still hanging out with her and she's still telling him she loves him. I don't know if this guy is just stupid, or totally ignorant. Actually, yes I do. He is conveniently ignorant. I can't stand ignorance either. Well, now you can see why I told this person where to go with himself! It just seems that more and more of these people are popping up these days. Everyone from Bush to the Joe Blow next door. The world is going to hell in a hand basket, I tell ya! (And no, I am not the ex in the example.)
A Day of Memory
Today is the anniversary of the day my mom passed away. It was sudden and unexpected. Although she passed many years ago, I feel closer to her now than I did at the time. I was in my formidable years and only knew her as "mom". You know how it is; when you are a kid, your parents don't seem human. They're just parents. That is probably always going to be my biggest regret and sorrow- knowing that my mom wasn't there to see some of the important events in my life. It makes me sad to think that she will never see me get married or get to know her grandchildren (if there are any!). I have a nephew who was born a couple of years after she died, and I know it makes him sad that he never got to know her. I worry my kids might feel the same way. She was an awesome mother, and I owe a large part of who I am today to her. As I've gotten older, I've begun to see her more as a person. I can relate to her situations better now that I have experienced many of them myself. I wish that I had the chance to know her as an adult and to have adult conversations with her. But, it wasn't meant to be. I am grateful for the time I had with her, even if I do regret the way I treated her sometimes. I know that I was just a kid and reacting as such. I know without a doubt that she knew I loved her, and that she'll always be a part of me. I am proud of who I have become and they ways that I have honored her memory.
Pet Peeves
I don't really have too many pet peeves. I try to not be judgemental. I am human, and sometimes I do catch myself unfairly judging someone. Of the few pet peeves I do have, arrogance as got to be near the top of the list. I used to know someone who was incredibly arrogant. He literally thought he could get any girl he wanted, and made no secret of thinking it. He thought that to the female population, he was completely irresistible. The truly hysterical part, is that he isn't even all that. Don't get me wrong; there's nothing wrong with self-esteem. But true self-esteem is something that is on the inside. The fact that he so blantantly thought that he was "the man" shows what little self-esteem he must really have. Well, that and the sheer number of girls he has slept with. And yes, I do mean "girls". He likes 'em young. But then again, I think he might sleep with just about anyone. The main reason he even gets these girls is because he pumps himself up and pretends to be someone he clearly isn't. He is good at charming people into seeing what he wants them to see. He's very deceitful. Anyway, I work with someone who sort of reminds me of this person. My coworker was getting on my nerves big time today and it reminded me of this other person. I used to want to just give him a swift kick in the ass and knock him into a little reality. Arrogance is so unattractive. Especially when the arrogant person isn't particularly attractive. At least if he were some hot, successful catch, you could almost rationalize the ego. But when there is just nothing to show for it, the egomaniac needs to get a grip!
Happy Days
Today was a good day. I'm finally starting to feel better. I had more energy today than I've had for awhile. Nothing dramatic happened. It was a quiet, mellow day. I actually got a lot done. I love days like these. I feel totally light and free for the first time in a long time. I don't have anyone weighing me down.
I was reading something someone wrote, and I actually had to laugh out loud at the totally hypocracy of it. He was talking about the things that are important in a relationship; things that would be cause for immediate termination. They were common things like abuse, infidelity, etc. The thing that was really bad was that I know for a fact that he has broken every one of the values he mentioned. Hell, he broke some of them with me and we weren't even in a "relationship". Maybe that's the theory; it's okay to do those things to someone as long as you aren't "dating". Ah, you gotta love those hypocrites.
What's really amusing though, is that when I first met this person, I actually considered that he might be gay. I mean I seriously thought it. Now, it seems even more possible. It sure would explain a lot of things! I mean okay, he is a little homophobic, but that's not reason enough to believe he's gay. There was just something about his mannerisms that set of my gaydar. However, being gay could explain why he can't be committed to one person for longer then a year to save his life. It could also explain the sheer amount of "partners" he's had. But then again, that's one I'll never understand in anyone. It's just not who I am. I guess I'll be monogomous 'til the end. I also know he is very picky about bodies. He can't stand overweight women. I mean he has a serious issue with it, yet he's overweight himself. Gee, that makes him even more of a hypocrite! The good news is that it's his karma he's fucking up. Not only is he going to end up alone, but his karma will be mighty tainted. But all that matters is that mine isn't. I'm a good person and wouldn't do half the things he's capable of.
Anyway, that's my rant and rave for the day. Life is amusing! I guess I took too many psych classes in college!
It's Days Like These
The worst thing about living with illness is the loniless one can feel. It's the lonly days like these that I really dislike being alone. In the past, it was the days like these that drove me into making a bad decision. I'd end up contacting someone I shouldn't. I always regretted it later. This time it's different. I don't mind being alone. I'm sicker than I've been in a while. I'm okay being alone. I would take being sick and alone over being used and hurt any day of the week. Even if I am hormonal!
These are a few of my favorite things...
Okay Mary Poppins!
1. Tivo
2. See's butterscotch lolipops
3. Cosmopolitans
4. My "love bug"
5. My iPod
6. PB&J sandwiches
7. My "put-ty tat"
8. Iced Toffee Nut Lattes
9. My best buds
10. Rainy days inside with a good book
11. The liberties of being born an American.
A Little Perspective
There's nothing like being sick and wishing someone would just pull the plug to put a little perspective on life. Although, I do have to admit that the constant state of being somewhere between reality and a drug-induced reality can be rather amusing. Anyway, during this time, I made some realizations about myself. They were very difficult to accept, but once I did, I felt incredibly liberated. I realized that I just hadn't been ready to accept that some people in this world simply do not have good intentions. They are self-serving and treat life as nothing more than a game. They cannot see that other people have feelings, and that they in fact have the ability to effect them. Whether it be positivly or negativly. These are typically the people who cause the most disruption in the world for they are absolutely immune to the impact of their own actions.
Finally accepting the fact that some people just aren't good, honest human beings allowed me to let go of the hope I was hold out for certain people in my life. I had some how managed to hold on to the believe that if I stuck with them long enough, I could maybe I could bring about a positive change in them. I had blindly hoped that maybe they would eventually see the light. Alas, that is not possible for some folks. They just are not able to change. They only see what they choose to see, and not what is really right before their own eyes. I am powerless to change these people. Life and karma will have to take care of them eventually. It does make me kind of sad though. These are the people who will never be happy with anything or anyone. They just can't be satisfied. They think they know what they want, but when they get it, they convince themselves they need more. They think they are superior to just about everyone. When in truth, they are not nearly the prize they think they are. I am greatly disappointed with myself for feeding the ego of one of these people. I confirmed his believe that he is God's gift over and over again. Even when he was treating me like the shit on the bottom of his shoe. It was that damn hope that kept me there. I wanted so badly for him to be a good person, maybe to even be my Prince Charming. But as charming as he was sometimes, it was nothing more than a narcassistic act. He was charming when it suited his needs. Otherwise, he was an utter ass.
What really gets me is what it took for ME to finally see the light. He had to show the ultimate disrespect. Don't get me wrong, I knew he didn't have any respect for me. I knew he didn't "like" me. He told me as much; many times. But it comes back to that fucking hope. Anyway, he had go so far as to actually violate me in a very personal way to get rid of me. I feel so totally humiliated by the whole thing. As much as I blame him and as angry as I am, I know that it's largely my fault. I put myself in the situation. He was never worth any of this. But I was there, and I guess in a way I asked for it. I mean, I sure as hell didn't ask for him to do what he did. On the contrary. I told him no many, many times. But I was asking for him to do something dramatic to get rid of me. I have always blindly trusted people. That included him. I know better now. I can easily claim to be much more jaded because of him. I will guard my heart and my trust much more closely. I will never again give it away to anyone so undeserving. After all, the only person I can count on is myself. At least I know that now. Better late than never.
Okay, now what?
So, I finally started a blog. A sure sign of the times. I look at this as a new adventure to go along with my newly found revelations. Life has had some interesting twists lately; and while they suck, I'm a stronger person because of them. I've finally purged all of the truly unfit people from my life. They were causing too much stress and unnecessary turmoil. So out with the old, in with the new. If you can't behave like a mature adult and treat people with the same respect you wanted to be treated with, then get the hell outta my life! That's what I say. It's time for me to take control of my life and to take away the power I have given other people. I just care about people too much. I just want everyone to be happy. So I get it. Not EVERYONE is going to be happy. Not much I can do about that. All I can do is make myself happy; that's what I resolve to do from now on. I will never question my judgment again either. Someone that was recently in my life really played a power trip on me. He caused me to question my feelings and my instincts. I know better now. My instincts have never steered me wrong before. In fact, they've been so dead on that it's kinda scary. I have learned that other people, nor my brain for that matter, can tell me how or what to feel. I am a free, self-empowered woman! Hear me roar!
